i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
