yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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