Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
