New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
