Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
