so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize