Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
