last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We left the knife in your bed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
