You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
