Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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