Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize