the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
