woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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