Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
