***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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