You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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