She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
