you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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