I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
