At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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