Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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