Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
high people should be assigned attendants
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
