he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
