I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
