So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
