I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
