what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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