I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Everything about him screamed your future.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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