Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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