TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
