Cold hands, warm shart.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
