White coat. Heels.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize