at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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