that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize