i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
two words: eviction party
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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