so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
