I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
