so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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