Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize