I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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