I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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