Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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