Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
