Your dad touched me again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
