how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
