You don't have asthma, your pregnant
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
