At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Houston, we have a squirter
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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