You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
