I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
