Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
