Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
