my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
