mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize