some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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