I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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