is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
