Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
