Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
