Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
