i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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