Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
