its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
