sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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