I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
