You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
