he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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