So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
