She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
