also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
