I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
