We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
