people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im holly from the hills drunk
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
