So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
