yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
