You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
