I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
