he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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