i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
