I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
