If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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