Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
