I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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